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Feeling GOOD about feeling GUILTY

Updated: Sep 27, 2018

It was Feb 2nd, 2005:

My 7th anniversary was around the corner

And my husband came in to announce that he had to go to Hong Kong on the date of our anniversary

I was devastated…this was going to be the third time in 7 years that he had not given importance to this special date for me

I was upset, very upset

My parents were going to America to help my brother move from Michigan to San Francisco

And they were going to drive across America for 10 days

I made a decision to join them

A very tough decision because I had two little kids

A joint family

“What will everyone think?”

“What will they say?”

Puneet’s Hong Kong trip got cancelled last minute

But I went anyway 😝😝😝

And I realised for the first time in 7 years I had done something for myself

I had stood up for myself

And though I felt really guilty

Missing my anniversary

Leaving the kids

The guilt in me changed my equation with Puneet

Instead of the usual anger

The guilt made me use better tonality

The guilt made me behave better with him

As well as everyone else

(He never missed an anniversary again nor did I remain desperate around that thought)

By taking simple decisions

I stopped making unnecessary sacrifices

I decided to study

I decided to work

I decided to earn my own money

I decided to travel for my courses

I decided to respect myself

I decided to look after myself

I decided to be honest about my feelings

Trust me, it took all the courage I had

For I realised no one else was going to do it until I did it for myself

And now I want every woman in India to have Guilt

That basically means she puts herself first when required

For we are supposed to be the ones to always adjust so no one else is inconvenienced

But in my observation this injustice leads to anger

So many women I know are angry, frustrated, depressed,desperate

Because all of their destiny depends on the choices their men make in their life

So we remain angry with dad for getting us married and not letting us pursue a serious career

We remain angry with the husband for our life does not look like anything we had imagined

Angry with our brother for he got opportunities we were not offered

And all of this creates a feeling of helplessness

That leads some of us into getting stuck in the negative emotional loop that is so hard to get out of because someone else holds the key to our happiness

Guilt is a great tool if you learn to use it wisely

If others control your guilt they will be able to manipulate you - kids will make you buy toys for them or get permission for something you are not truly thrilled about

But if you are in charge of your guilt, you will be able to influence your surroundings positively by reducing your charge towards the ones you feel guilty about - you will plan special evenings to spend time and talk to them

Maybe even a holiday with each kid to create that special bond between just the two of you

Every negative emotion can serve you if you start to lead a Life by Design

Be it anger,hurt, fear, or perfection

If we learn to give direction to our emotion

Negativity has a lot of power and purpose

It's all about channeling it the right way

It's time to rise above our emotions

It's time to give ourselves the importance

We want others to give us 😀😀😀

Have fun with your guilt

Too many of us are taking life and our monkey mind too seriously

P.S. - I had written this for myself in my journal but decided to share it anyway! Of course this advice has parameters and needs intelligence to be understood the right way 🤣👍🤞

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